Davey GaGa and Elder Knotty

Damn. Five followers? I am on FIRE!!! Okay. So today I pretended to have a baby and wandered around campus for a while. No one believed me. It's probably because our school doesn't condone pregnancy or teen parenthood. Whatever. I also sat across from a drag queen today on the bus. That's pretty much all the semi-interesting moments that occurred today.

I want your bad romance... 

Now on with the stories!!!

I guess I should begin with two of my very favorite personas. The first one would be Davey GaGa. This character was concocted after I was nominated for "Mr. Skyline". This was a competition in which some of the most popular (or in my case, socially odd) were asked to participate in something very similar to the Miss America competition. Two of my fellow acting friends, Dale and Kyle, were also partaking in the event. This included an opening dance number involving all the men, a work-out routine, a talent, a pick-up line, and answering a surprise question. I wasn't allowed to do a strip tease for my talent. It was truly a loss for girls everywhere. I was devastated that I would not be able to expose my sexy hairy legs to the public... or could I...??? I decided to cross dress to be funny. It was a rousing success! I had catcalls, laughter, and several cell phones directed at me. I was threatened to be beaten up by several of the football players... They were just jealous that I could pull off the skirt and the high heels. Thanks again Mom for helping me buy all of this stuff! Oh, and it turned out that the skirt I bought at the school's rummage sale was previously owned by my drama teacher... Oops. I didn't end up winning because everyone is severely bias against a man willing to embarrass himself and lip sync "Poker Face" in front of the entire student body. 

I also took this character out briefly to walk the streets. This was a TON of fun. I dressed up all in my Lady GaGa attire and my roommates were kind enough to walk me around so I could strut my stuff in my heels. To clarify, I cannot walk in heels worth shit. I got plenty of dirty looks and lots of laughs and only a handful of compliments from people who could take a joke. Psh! People are stupid. If I was really serious, I would have shaved my legs, worn make-up, and spoke in a womanly voice. I walked around acting butch as fuck!! Idiots... 

"And I would like to share with you
the most amazing book..."

My other wonderful persona would be Elder Isaac Michelle Knotty. I... offended quite a few people with this one. Namely Mormons. This was actually my Halloween costume this year. I decided that being a zombie for the fifth year in a row would be completely unoriginal and boring. I actually contemplated being a zombie-Mormon, but someone suggested that we all go slutty with our costumes. So I did. I made it myself too, but the Book of Mormon was a gift from someone back in my home state. The costume was a big hit! Let's just say, a lot of people would have LOVED to convert.

I also got quite a bit of ass-grabbing, mostly by women. Jess was the one most willing to be up on my dick the whole night. It was a great compliment, but it was really annoying to have to have myself all backed up against the wall so that random strangers on the sidewalk wouldn't try to cop a feel. My shorts were above my knees. 

One of the best moments of the night would have to be going door-to-door asking people if they wanted to convert. I only went to one door before realizing this would probably not be the best idea. I stopped by my friend's apartment and knocked on the door. It was all funny, until the neighbors from across the hall opened their door and saw what I was dressed in. These guys are... pretty buff and shit. I stayed in character (obviously) and went over to them and started asking if they wanted to switch religions... Thank God my friends were laughing in the hallway, or that guy would have ripped me apart and thrown me into the street. 

We spent our Halloween in a hotel room, just hanging out. 

I swear to God, Mena was not sucking on anything inappropriate. My friend is not very good with Photoshop. Also, Macy is missing a hand. And, yes, I am being all provocative with a pirate in the background.  

No, I did not have sex. Surprisingly, I don't have my dick out at every moment of every day. Just most of the day. I am a teenage guy after all. We were all... eating a lot of candy. I was obviously not, since I do not believe that eating candy under the age of 21 is a wise decision and I support people who are above the influence from sugar substances. One of my friends got really "hyped on sugar" and accidentally tripped over me and smashed her head into the corner of a desk. Halloween just isn't Halloween without a little bit of violence! The entire night was not very eventful after this accident, so we went back home. That is all that Elder Knotty endured that night. 

Despite the fact that I have only been Elder Knotty on one occasion, I have been a Mormon missionary on several other ones. For example, I pretended to be one while in the airport waiting to take my flight back to school after our semester break. I was dressed all up in a white button-up, dress pants, dress shoes, ties. Everything. The best part was that I got a lot of "Good Lucks" and questions about where I was going. I just looked at them with a confused look and pretended I had no idea what they were talking about. It was pretty interesting when some actual missionaries were walking past me and waved vigorously and attempted to speak with me. I ran. You never know what Mormon boys will do. I have some pretty awesome friends and they do some crazy stuff (Kyle & Dale)! 

I do have respect for Mormons and I apologize if I offended anyone with my costume or impersonations. I just do it to get a cheap thrill. I am an actor after all and I need to be allowed to do strange shit like this on a daily basis. 

I guess I'll just update every so often whenever I have any interesting or funny stories to share with you. I'll be blogging fairly frequently at first so that I can get all the old stories dusted off and shared with the... five of you. Actually, three of you probably know all the stories I'm going to tell. So, anyway. Yeah! I guess we will see you at a later time!

Dictated, but not read:

David