Flash Mobs That Could Get You Arrested

DAMN!! People from Russia are starting to read my posts?! Привет русских мужчин и женщин! I got that from Google translate, so if it says anything other than, "Hello Russian men and women", then it is Google's fault. So, I'm still bored and thought of several different ways to get arrested for doing a flash mob and I thought I could share it all with you.

1. Passing Out as a Group Mob - Imagine walking through a crowded room of people, just casually texting on your phone to your girlfriend about something that you saw on The X Factor last night. Nothing is out of the ordinary until you hear a large echoing thudding noise. You look up and the room is no longer crowded. Confused as fuck, you begin to look around and notice that EVERYONE is lying on the floor. Some people have their eyes open, others have their tongues hanging out, and several others are giggling because they can't pull pranks very well. You'd be completely panicked (if you don't notice people giggling) and would probably call 911, thinking that some strange disease was killing everybody. Of course, once someone said it was a prank, you'd be pissed and probably attempt to kill a few people and have the ambulance and police arrive. It just wouldn't look pretty.
2. Pretending to get Sick Mob - This one would be fairly easy to pull off. What you need is a bunch of people willing to vomit on cue. Or not, if you don't want to be authentic. I guess you could just have people choking and spitting and crying and screaming, "WHAT IS HAPPENING!?". All you need to do is have a large group of people go to the same restaurant and order food and eat a normal meal for about thirty or forty minutes. Then, slowly, have one person pretend to get sick... then another... then another... Continue to do think until the entire restaurant is in complete chaos and there are normal people screaming and crying and praying to whichever god they believe in. This would be extremely hard to pull off and escape without getting arrested or sent to the hospital. You might also have a lawsuit against you. 
3. Dressing up as Zombies and Attacking People Mob - This one is my favorite! Think about a little girl eating an ice cream cone, enjoying a nice evening with her parents in the park. She's laughing enjoying her sweet time as a childhood, completely oblivious to the dangers of the dreaded zombie flash mob. She turns to look at her parents and sees a bloodied, rotting, group of zombie beings lumbering through the park, chasing after people and attacking them. She screams, not aware that this will only bring the zombies closer to her and her parents. She drops her ice cream and clings to her mother, but the pulls of the zombies are too strong and her two beloved parents are dragged into the horde. The little girl watches in horror as her parents disappear from view and she is left. Scarred for life. No. This cannot happen on Halloween, Friday the 13th, or April Fool's Day. This has to happen completely unannounced. I would suggest not actually biting people or getting brutal. You would have a lot of lawsuits against you and when the police arrive, you don't want to be shot with a gun or tazer. Stupid spell check... Doesn't recognize the word tazer... I hope it's spelled correctly...
4. Naked Mob - This is basically what it says. There are no requirements. Literally. You just can't do it on a nude beach or it makes no fucking sense... May I suggest a preschool, wedding, half-marathon, retirement facility, or funeral? 
5. Justin Bieber Baby Mama Drama Mob - This one is a bit fucked up. We all have heard about this whole situation with Justin Bieber and that strange ass lady who claims that she conceived a child with... a child. Still think that she is full of shit... We'll find out later, won't we!? Yay!! Okay. You just need a lot of different teenagers (girls would be advised), from different areas (optional). First, attend a Justin Bieber concert. I know, this would probably be a lot of torture, but just do it. Now, get pregnant. This will take about 9 months to prepare; 8 months if you prefer a smaller child. After the baby has been born, you must report to any authorities or newspapers that you have been impregnated with Justin Bieber's semen. Yes, supposingly, he can produce semen. This could potentially ruin his career, but would make for a fun laugh! Lawsuits are a consequence. 
6. Pretending to be Store Products Mob - Basically, all you have to do it hide behind products stacked on shelves or in those clothes racks. Many different things can happen once you have a large group of people hiding throughout the store. You can either, a) cry out, "BUY ME!!" repetitively, b) shake the shelf or rack to simulate an earthquake, c) pop out and scare people while they are shopping, or d) demand equal rights and lower prices. You could potentially get banned from the store. Wal-Mart would be the best place to participate. 
7. Sex Mob - Also known as a public orgy. Lawsuits and arrests are guaranteed. Recommending people above the age of eighteen.
8. Going on a Pokemon Journey Mob - Dress up as Ash, Misty, or Brock. Grab a lot of large bouncy balls and paint them like Pokeballs. Go around pointing and screaming at people, "OH MY GOSH, IT'S A POKEMON!!". Throw your balls at them. It's either prostitution or assault. Either way, jail time! Yay!!

Enjoy flash mobbing!!

- David E. Stolworthy

How I Scared the Shit Out of Lindsey's Roommate

Well, I have a rehearsal in about an hour, but I'll try to squeeze a blog out in the 40 minutes that I have before the bus comes. Well, actually, it would probably be 30 minutes on here because I am currently in a towel, soaking wet, waiting to air-dry, on my bed. So, we'll see how far I can get with this story.

This actually occurred about a two days ago. We had cancelled a rehearsal because 3 of the 5 of us could not make it and it is really difficult to do a 5-person scene with 2 people who don't even interact in that scene with one another. Lindsey and I decided to take our friend, Celina, to her bungalow (part of the housing for our college) to show her the "scary tour". The scary tour is pretty much a bunch of really fucking creepy ass shit that is around her house that makes it seem like you could easily kill someone. It's really fucked up.

We started the tour in her living room area. It looks pretty basic, except for the fact that there is a fake fireplace in the room with FIRE written on the bricks inside the mantle. It slowly lulls you into a false sense of security, because when you start to traverse across the floor, you hear another person's footsteps following behind you and it feels like you are being watched from all areas of the room.

Our school is full of some really, really weird people.

It's freaking creepy.

We moved our tour into the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom. And, aside from the toilet being located in the center of the room, there is a hidden surprise behind the door. Lindsey slowly coaxed Celina into the bathroom with a calm, "Come in! Come in! Look at our lovely bathroom... AND SEE THE NOOSE!!!" She then proceeded to slam the door shut and reveal, to Celina's shriek of enjoyment and terror, THE NOOSE!! It's actually a towel rack, if you haven't figured that out. Still looks fucking creepy as shit when you are taking a crap and the thing starts to fucking move on its own!! We then looked at a really fucking creepy ass doorknob that looked like a knife sticking outside the handle and a few air vents that seemed to harbor a demonic presence, but the creepiest part of the whole tour was the crawl space at the top of the closet! 

It looks like it's from The Grudge.

It wouldn't be too bad, since you could climb up into it if you needed to escape from a murderer, but you wouldn't be able to get away very easily, since the crawl space only goes over the kitchen and the murderer could just light the whole damn house on fire, leaving you to suffer smoke inhalation and watch your flesh burn off your body.

Actually, I lied. The creepiest thing was the damn chair! It was crammed into a corner behind the door into the kitchen from the outside and looks as if there is a ghost sitting in it, staring at you, contemplating whether to rape your soul or eat it. They moved the chair into the middle of the room, which doesn't really help with the creepiness. Now he can watch Lindsey's roommate sleep...

The skunk lives somewhere here.

Also, inside her dining room area, which was converted into a bedroom for some strange-ass reason, there is a really large window that looks at nothing but a fence and a few dead shrubs. I think a skunk lives somewhere under those. All I know is that there is a skunk that lives in the bungalows.

The window from the kitchen.

Another really creepy part would have to be how anybody can look into her apartment. All the windows are able to be looked through from anyone walking past her apartment and anyone with a habit or fetish for spying on a group of teenage actresses. Also, from the kitchen window, you can look into the neighbor's bathroom, which has been quite an adventure on its own. The first night I had been over to her bungalow for a rehearsal, Lindsey was walking into her kitchen, then stopped abruptly with this horrified expression on her face. We asked her what was wrong and she responded with, "There is a naked man outside our window". Of course, being a bunch of fucking weirdos, the rest of us ran into the kitchen and saw a naked man washing himself in the bathroom in the apartment next door. He looked over and saw us. We waved. He smiled and waved back. He was a very nice gentleman.

Now onto the story about how I scared Lindsey's roommate. After a good few minutes of making animal noises in the bathroom, ranging from monkey to dolphin, and also locking Celina and Lindsey outside of the bungalow, we decided to play a prank on her roommate. It was actually a last minute decision when Lindsey screamed through the door, "MY ROOMMATE IS COMING!! PRETEND TO BE AN OWL!!!". I unlocked the door and ran through the living room and into the kitchen and slammed into the door, which is locked with a chain, knob lock, and dead bolt. I was frantically trying to pry open the door without letting her roommate hear or see me. Lindsey was able to distract her enough for me to get through the door and hide in the back alley by the giant window. I stood

The living room area and "bedroom".

by the window waiting for Lindsey's roommate to open the curtains, but she never sat down on her bed. I proceeded to text Lindsey that I was waiting outside the window. She went and opened the curtains, allowing  her roommate to only get a brief glimpse of me in my gray hoodie before I ducked down and disappeared from view. Her roommate started to freak the fuck out! I ran back through the kitchen and hid in the creepy chair corner and left the door open to make it appear that someone broke in and she circled the house to look for me. When she saw the open door, she was in a complete panic! She tore through the kitchen and didn't notice me standing in the corner and ran to Lindsey. Lindsey came to the door and saw me, laughing my ass off and almost crying. Lindsey is such a great actress and played that she had no idea what was going on. I heard her roommate approaching the door again and I jumped out, screaming. Due to some strange knowledge, she figured that pushing on nothing but air would get me to go away, but it just caused her to scream bloody murder and fall on her ass in the kitchen. She was almost crying from being scared so badly. It was the greatest thing ever!

Lindsey is freaking hilarious! She is one of the funniest people I know. She is a blast to have in improvisation class. She once performed in a scene which she had no bones and when she was poked, she fell over and said, "This is harassment... This is sexual harassment...". And, in another scene, she was creating a new cologne for men and named it, 'SWAGGAH', so that you can reapply your swagger every day.

Our wonderful Lindsey!!

She's sexy too!!

OW OW!!! Hottie!!

You might have seen her on TV. She's been on Big Time Rush!

-Can't read my poker face,

David E. Stolworthy

Sets That Will Make You Jizz

Hello all! So, this last week has been INCREDIBLY hectic. Having to deal with after school and during school rehearsals in which I must memorize and perform two scenes for a teacher this upcoming Wednesday. It isn't so bad, except for the fact that each scene requires at least three to four rehearsals a week, each about two hours in length and if you multiply that by two, it equals HELL. With all this incorporated into a normal school day and additional work, it really sucks...

(3 rehearsals x 2 hours x 2 scenes) + 7 classes(3 periods)^monologues  

open scenes^(stage combat review) + blog x facebook + food^3(7) 

=

WHAT THE FUCK!?

It's a bit more stressful that my first semester here, but I can manage it pretty well. I have some really cool cast mates that really work hard and know how to get shit done so that I'm not tempted to shoot myself in the eye with a potato gun. 

Today, I am going to talk about a very dear friend of mine. His name is Nathan. He is a phenomenal person who is currently still in high school, but he has the imagination of a freaking old guy. I was attempting to make it sound like he has a matured creative process, but it just sounds like he is handicapped and shits his adult diapers. He does not do such activities. He is an extremely talented set designer! Seriously. This kid is holy fuck talented. I have never seen a set so beautifully done. He even outdoes my college! Not saying my college is bad, but Nathan can pretty much put anything to shame. 

Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare

The first set that I ever saw was for William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. This was Nathan's first production and he built a very well done stage. It was definitely something that I would have really enjoyed to act on, but our teacher wasn't very Shakespearean inclined. It was really well designed. It had several entrances, a beautiful backdrop, and pillars and trees laced with ivy. It was a real step into a courtyard and the entire walls of the theater were painted as a countryside. The surrounding atmosphere really pulled you into the production. Actually, the acting was really terrible, but the set was definitely worth seeing! 

Wit
Margaret Edson

The next set that he designed was for Wit. It was a very abstract-ish set that was completely painted black, leaving only the bed, medical equipment, and a wheelchair as the main focal points. There were two dimly lit entrances and a window that was used to foreshadow a person's entrance. Sadly, some of the techies and actors sat on the frame of the window, so when the production dates came up, the window was all crooked. Fucking idiot high school students... However, the set was still amazing. The darkness with the set really gave you the feeling that this person was dying. Oh, if anyone didn't know that this was a play about a college professor suffering from cancer and dying, yeah, you know now. The atmosphere was so well done that you lost yourself completely. The actress who played the lead was incredible the cast was very well put together. 

As You Like It
William Shakespeare

Now for the big daddies!! With the production of As You Like It, Nathan built a working waterfall ONSTAGE! It was beautiful! It was built with a series of different materials (which I can't list, since you could try to steal his ideas!!) and it was even able to house an entrance that was hidden behind the waterfall!! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this set! There are a lot of very entertaining stories that came with this set, mainly running out of adhesives and money and having to resort to using chewing gum to hold some of the "showy" materials together. Don't worry, he didn't use gum to build the structure. That would have been extremely dangerous and Nathan isn't the kind of person to put actors in danger. If you aren't aware, I am using sarcasm and he has told me that he would be more than willing to have an actor die for the sake of the set! And he isn't ashamed to say so! And, all jokes aside, he did not build the structure with salivated gum...  

The Importance of Being Ernest
Oscar Wilde
(window, left; audience view, right)

This is one of my favorite sets that he has designed. I wasn't able to see this production since my high school was performing our play while this one was running, but I do understand that it was a modernized version of The Importance of Being Ernest. The set had the most amazing lighting design for the window, as you can see from the above left photo, and two spiral staircases coming down onto the set. Nathan told me that he made his techies go through dozens of different colors of purple until he came to one that he liked. Hey, Nathan is pretty picky on his sets and it really shows for it! I feel kind of bad for the techies though. I hear they really hate the color violet now... 

The Diary of Anne Frank
Frances Goodrich & Albert Hackett

The high school drama department wasn't capable of performing this piece because the director's father was undergoing some very intensive medical issues, but this is the design sketch for The Diary of Anne Frank. I was able to see the set in it's very "bare-bone" stage and saw the wooden framing for the roof angling in the image to the right. It was a very interesting concept and the shape of the theater really accommodated to the annex-y feel that the Franks and Van Daans had to experience. Actually, when I went to see the set, it was completely covered in fake blood. Apparently, all the techies had a zombie-serial killer montage that led to the entire stage being showered in mint-flavored goo and several articles of clothing ruined. This was also the place where my fingernail fell off after crushing it in You Can't Take It With You. It made a really gross crunching noise when it finally came off. Also, to clarify, the fingernails on both my fingers came off. 

Nathan also designed the set for Two and Two Make Sex by Richard Harris and Leslie Darbon. I don't have any sketches or photos available to show you, but the set calls for two completely different households to be present onstage at the same time. It sounds incredibly difficult, but Nathan was able to convert a very small stage into two different houses using techniques such as raised platforms, divided flats, etc. Actually, I do have a photo that you can kind of see the set behind us... 

The set is behind us somewhere... 

Don't ask... This was a photo taken of the graduating drama seniors this last year. I don't know about you, but I think this looks a lot like an ad for a TV series similar to Glee, but without all the bad acting. Kidding! I have never even seen Glee, so I'm not capable to pass judgment on any such matter. But you can kind of see what the set looks like behind the group of us!!

AND NOW. THE MOST AMAZING SET YOU WILL EVER SEE IN YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!!! DUH DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHH!!!!!

The Tempest
William Shakespeare

This is an actual photo of the set! Can you believe this thing!? Their production of The Tempest was set in a post-apocalyptic world and Nathan only spent $500 on the entire thing! And this isn't even the whole set! He added a bunch of lighting designs as well as a bad ass sound system to make a crazy vibration sort of atmosphere while you were watching the show. And, during the shipwreck scene, he actually had gigantic sails torn apart and destroyed before the audience's eyes!! ISN'T THAT FREAKING INCREDIBLE!?! I wasn't able to see the show because I am off to college and not back in my home state, but I will be able to watch the show in a private seating when I get home! He made DVDs. He also made a complete soundtrack to the production and was in charge of... well, pretty much everything. He was the set designer, costume designer, hair stylist, EVERYTHING. He's the shit. 

Oh! Found a photo of the shipwreck set!
It wasn't completed yet, but it's still awesome!

Well, that is the brilliance of Nathan! He is such a cool dude and has an amazing talent for technical theatre. He is planning on majoring in it when he goes to college and I think he has a great future in a very promising career path! And just to put a name to a face, this is what Nathan looks like:

Nathan on an adventure!

I'd say I'd post a normal picture of him, but this one fits his personality pretty well. Also, this is a normal picture for him! But he can be sexy too! 

He also took this photo himself.

Yup! That's Nathan. He has a way with photography too. 

Bury me in Satin,

- David Stolworthy

You Can't Take it With You

OH MY GOSH!!! A man from Brazil read my blog!? HELLO, BRAZILIAN MAN!!! Unless, it was a woman who read my blog. Then, HELLO BRAZILIAN WOMAN!!!

OKAY!! So, today during our voice and projection class, we had a wonderful slip up of vocabulary. My dear friend, Jasmine, asked our teacher if we would have to remember all of the different symbols for IPA for next week's "testicle". Yes, she said testicle. Thank God our teacher had a sense of humor or it would have been very interesting to have our dear friend escorted out of class for being inappropriate. In all honesty, how is a testicle inappropriate? Our teacher has them. I have them. I don't understand why someone would think it dirty. It's just a part of the male reproductive organs. 

Can I just say, IPA sucks... For all of you that don't know what that is, it is the International Phonetic Alphabet. This is all those really weird symbols and shapes that come after a word in the dictionary. 

This shit.

IT. FUCKING. SUCKS!!! Seriously, I thought learning Spanish was terrible, but this stuff is just los terrible... You have to know all these different symbols for all the different consonants and vowel sounds. For example, the symbol j makes the "y" sound and a symbol 3 makes... some vowel sound. I can't remember. And I have never seen that last e symbol in the picture... fucking dicks... 

Anyway, everything else during the day worked really well. Celina and I totally kicked ass in our acting techniques class and I was a freaking boss in our stage combat review. I'm learning how to hold my sword properly and not look like a dumbshit holding a rapier. Well, I still look like a dumbshit, but at least I can actually hold the sword up longer than a few seconds. And before you start calling me a wuss, you have to hold your rapier with a different hand position than normal. It's the greatest work out I've had with my hand since last night! Oh! Dirty!

Okay. Story time. Once upon a time, there was a young boy named David Stolworthy. He was in a wonderful high school production called You Can't Take it With You. It's a mighty popular play and involves a large range of crazy characters. There's a no talent ballerina, two gentlemen who build fireworks in the basement, a woman who writes scripts and paints, and a man who loves to play the xylophone. It is a very interesting play that requires a lot out of an actor. A lot of focus is really, really, REALLY important. 

The wonderful cast of characters!

We didn't have a lot of focus at one point... Or several points with this production. One of these moments was when we were performing the play in front of our student body. Everything was fine, until an actor forgot his entrance. No big deal right? Well, another actor thought that it was his turn to enter and came onstage and we jumped ahead in the script... ALMOST AN ENTIRE SCENE. Our reaction to Jose's appearance was the greatest. There was a long horrified silence... Then a series of exchanged looks with an expression that closely resembled a "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?"  My friend, Emily, had the most priceless look on her face when he entered.

Emily: Why... Why, Mr. De Pinna!! What are you doing here?!

Jose: (under his breath) "Oh shit..."

Me and the amazing
actress that saved
our asses.

Because of this huge jump in the scene, we missed a lot of important information, and a few actors were suppose to have left the stage. I remained calm, forcing back a panicked laugh or giggle before heading upstage to dismiss an actor from the stage calmly and quietly. That was a success. Then, I left the stage and sat back from the wings to watch my friends try to handle the situation that was rearing its ugly head. I wasn't just going to be an asshole, I was attempting to help from offstage so that I could reenter and attempt to help fix the problem. I was flipping through a script as rapidly as I could, trying to find a way to make things better. However, thanks to my brilliant friend, Miss Crowley, she was able to completely dissolve the matter within a few minutes and got things back to normal. She completely saved us from a disaster! She is an amazing actress and has a phenomenal voice. She will definitely be a rousing success in New York. Just you wait! You'll see her name in lights on Broadway. You might also see mine as well... I'm praying to God it's not in a porno...

There were a lot of other things that went wrong with that production. To start with, there was a minor issue with the can of smoke we were using. We used this to portray the smoke billowing from the basement trapdoor from the fireworks. We had two very cheap cans of smoke. One ran out during rehearsals and the other had a crack in it. So, every time you pressed down on the can, you had a pick of smoke hit your hand. Smoke from dry ice. Jose was the one who sprayed the smoke and, one night, he held the smoke too long and it burned his hand. He had to completely go through the rest of the production with a wrapped up hand. I also accidentally smashed his head with the trapdoor during a rehearsal...

Later in the production, during the final scene of Act I. The fireworks in the basement were suppose to be exploding and the trapdoor was bouncing out of control. Because of my shear stupidity, I decided to reach down to grab the trapdoor before it closed again and it came down, crushing two of my fingers. I screamed in pain onstage, but continued to act to the best of my abilities. When the scene came to a close, I examined my fingers. Both of them were bleeding profusely and the fingernail on one of them was hanging by a thread. It was disgusting, but I couldn't do anything about it and had to go right back onstage. I kept myself turned upstage so that no one in the audience would see the blood. My hand was covered in it, but I was capable of keeping it hidden from view. I was also trying not to cry the rest of the show because the pain was unbearable... But the show must go on, even if you aren't able to move your fingers very well... 

Until next time,

David

Davey GaGa and Elder Knotty

Damn. Five followers? I am on FIRE!!! Okay. So today I pretended to have a baby and wandered around campus for a while. No one believed me. It's probably because our school doesn't condone pregnancy or teen parenthood. Whatever. I also sat across from a drag queen today on the bus. That's pretty much all the semi-interesting moments that occurred today.

I want your bad romance... 

Now on with the stories!!!

I guess I should begin with two of my very favorite personas. The first one would be Davey GaGa. This character was concocted after I was nominated for "Mr. Skyline". This was a competition in which some of the most popular (or in my case, socially odd) were asked to participate in something very similar to the Miss America competition. Two of my fellow acting friends, Dale and Kyle, were also partaking in the event. This included an opening dance number involving all the men, a work-out routine, a talent, a pick-up line, and answering a surprise question. I wasn't allowed to do a strip tease for my talent. It was truly a loss for girls everywhere. I was devastated that I would not be able to expose my sexy hairy legs to the public... or could I...??? I decided to cross dress to be funny. It was a rousing success! I had catcalls, laughter, and several cell phones directed at me. I was threatened to be beaten up by several of the football players... They were just jealous that I could pull off the skirt and the high heels. Thanks again Mom for helping me buy all of this stuff! Oh, and it turned out that the skirt I bought at the school's rummage sale was previously owned by my drama teacher... Oops. I didn't end up winning because everyone is severely bias against a man willing to embarrass himself and lip sync "Poker Face" in front of the entire student body. 

I also took this character out briefly to walk the streets. This was a TON of fun. I dressed up all in my Lady GaGa attire and my roommates were kind enough to walk me around so I could strut my stuff in my heels. To clarify, I cannot walk in heels worth shit. I got plenty of dirty looks and lots of laughs and only a handful of compliments from people who could take a joke. Psh! People are stupid. If I was really serious, I would have shaved my legs, worn make-up, and spoke in a womanly voice. I walked around acting butch as fuck!! Idiots... 

"And I would like to share with you
the most amazing book..."

My other wonderful persona would be Elder Isaac Michelle Knotty. I... offended quite a few people with this one. Namely Mormons. This was actually my Halloween costume this year. I decided that being a zombie for the fifth year in a row would be completely unoriginal and boring. I actually contemplated being a zombie-Mormon, but someone suggested that we all go slutty with our costumes. So I did. I made it myself too, but the Book of Mormon was a gift from someone back in my home state. The costume was a big hit! Let's just say, a lot of people would have LOVED to convert.

I also got quite a bit of ass-grabbing, mostly by women. Jess was the one most willing to be up on my dick the whole night. It was a great compliment, but it was really annoying to have to have myself all backed up against the wall so that random strangers on the sidewalk wouldn't try to cop a feel. My shorts were above my knees. 

One of the best moments of the night would have to be going door-to-door asking people if they wanted to convert. I only went to one door before realizing this would probably not be the best idea. I stopped by my friend's apartment and knocked on the door. It was all funny, until the neighbors from across the hall opened their door and saw what I was dressed in. These guys are... pretty buff and shit. I stayed in character (obviously) and went over to them and started asking if they wanted to switch religions... Thank God my friends were laughing in the hallway, or that guy would have ripped me apart and thrown me into the street. 

We spent our Halloween in a hotel room, just hanging out. 

I swear to God, Mena was not sucking on anything inappropriate. My friend is not very good with Photoshop. Also, Macy is missing a hand. And, yes, I am being all provocative with a pirate in the background.  

No, I did not have sex. Surprisingly, I don't have my dick out at every moment of every day. Just most of the day. I am a teenage guy after all. We were all... eating a lot of candy. I was obviously not, since I do not believe that eating candy under the age of 21 is a wise decision and I support people who are above the influence from sugar substances. One of my friends got really "hyped on sugar" and accidentally tripped over me and smashed her head into the corner of a desk. Halloween just isn't Halloween without a little bit of violence! The entire night was not very eventful after this accident, so we went back home. That is all that Elder Knotty endured that night. 

Despite the fact that I have only been Elder Knotty on one occasion, I have been a Mormon missionary on several other ones. For example, I pretended to be one while in the airport waiting to take my flight back to school after our semester break. I was dressed all up in a white button-up, dress pants, dress shoes, ties. Everything. The best part was that I got a lot of "Good Lucks" and questions about where I was going. I just looked at them with a confused look and pretended I had no idea what they were talking about. It was pretty interesting when some actual missionaries were walking past me and waved vigorously and attempted to speak with me. I ran. You never know what Mormon boys will do. I have some pretty awesome friends and they do some crazy stuff (Kyle & Dale)! 

I do have respect for Mormons and I apologize if I offended anyone with my costume or impersonations. I just do it to get a cheap thrill. I am an actor after all and I need to be allowed to do strange shit like this on a daily basis. 

I guess I'll just update every so often whenever I have any interesting or funny stories to share with you. I'll be blogging fairly frequently at first so that I can get all the old stories dusted off and shared with the... five of you. Actually, three of you probably know all the stories I'm going to tell. So, anyway. Yeah! I guess we will see you at a later time!

Dictated, but not read:

David

Attempting to Start Blogging

Okay. I have no idea how this blogging works, but we'll just take it one step at a time. ALRIGHTY!!! So. This is my first blogging post. Basically, I'll just let you know a bit about myself and... yeah. We can go off from there. Okay. So the first thing about me is that I am an actor. Shocking, I know. If you hadn't established this from the title and/or "About Me" section, you are pretty much a dumbass. Anyway. Yeah. An actor. I do not have an agent, so I am pretty much a loser according to entertainment standards. HOWEVER, I was capable of getting into a "prestigious" acting college somewhere in the continental United States. I cannot tell you which school that would be since one of you could come into one of my classrooms and murder me with something blunt or sharp or unpleasant.

This is what I look like:

I know, I know. I'm the most gorgeous thing you have ever seen. But please, refrain from pulling out your unpleasantries, for there are children about. This photo is actually fairly old and I have aged quite gracefully from an awkward 17-year-old virgin into an 18-year-old stud. You can define stud however you want, but all that matters to me is that I am beautiful in my own eyes. Or handsome. Beautiful just sounds extremely inappropriate coming from my mouth. Or hands. Whichever. I also like the word manly.

I can be sexy too:

Mmmmmmm! Yummy... This was actually taken when I was even younger than the above photo... I think I was... sixteen? Yeah. Someone said I look like Edward Cullen from Twilight. I really wanted to hit them for that...

I currently have a 4.0 in college. It is an acting college, so it isn't that impressive if you think about it hard enough. Still, this school kicks my ass. You cannot guess how often I have wanted to quit school and pursue my dreams outside of spending a fortune on training and food. But hey, it's an investment.

I am also a writer. I have written three plays, NONE of which are published, so (again), loser... None of them  have been performed either, but it could happen sometimes later. You never know. I might just get lucky.

I LOVE ZOMBIES. That might come up very occasionally, so you have been warned.

So, I think that is all that you need to know about me. My barrage of stories will begin sometime tomorrow because it is very late and I still need to shower. I am also very blunt and will pretty much publish whatever is coming out of my stream of consciousness. Anyway, I need to shower. So I will leave my... 0 followers to contemplate why I am currently talking to myself.

Peace and Blessings,
David