OKAY!! So, today during our voice and projection class, we had a wonderful slip up of vocabulary. My dear friend, Jasmine, asked our teacher if we would have to remember all of the different symbols for IPA for next week's "testicle". Yes, she said testicle. Thank God our teacher had a sense of humor or it would have been very interesting to have our dear friend escorted out of class for being inappropriate. In all honesty, how is a testicle inappropriate? Our teacher has them. I have them. I don't understand why someone would think it dirty. It's just a part of the male reproductive organs.
Can I just say, IPA sucks... For all of you that don't know what that is, it is the International Phonetic Alphabet. This is all those really weird symbols and shapes that come after a word in the dictionary.
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| This shit. |
IT. FUCKING. SUCKS!!! Seriously, I thought learning Spanish was terrible, but this stuff is just los terrible... You have to know all these different symbols for all the different consonants and vowel sounds. For example, the symbol j makes the "y" sound and a symbol 3 makes... some vowel sound. I can't remember. And I have never seen that last e symbol in the picture... fucking dicks...
Anyway, everything else during the day worked really well. Celina and I totally kicked ass in our acting techniques class and I was a freaking boss in our stage combat review. I'm learning how to hold my sword properly and not look like a dumbshit holding a rapier. Well, I still look like a dumbshit, but at least I can actually hold the sword up longer than a few seconds. And before you start calling me a wuss, you have to hold your rapier with a different hand position than normal. It's the greatest work out I've had with my hand since last night! Oh! Dirty!
Okay. Story time. Once upon a time, there was a young boy named David Stolworthy. He was in a wonderful high school production called You Can't Take it With You. It's a mighty popular play and involves a large range of crazy characters. There's a no talent ballerina, two gentlemen who build fireworks in the basement, a woman who writes scripts and paints, and a man who loves to play the xylophone. It is a very interesting play that requires a lot out of an actor. A lot of focus is really, really, REALLY important.
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| The wonderful cast of characters! |
We didn't have a lot of focus at one point... Or several points with this production. One of these moments was when we were performing the play in front of our student body. Everything was fine, until an actor forgot his entrance. No big deal right? Well, another actor thought that it was his turn to enter and came onstage and we jumped ahead in the script... ALMOST AN ENTIRE SCENE. Our reaction to Jose's appearance was the greatest. There was a long horrified silence... Then a series of exchanged looks with an expression that closely resembled a "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?" My friend, Emily, had the most priceless look on her face when he entered.
Emily: Why... Why, Mr. De Pinna!! What are you doing here?!
Jose: (under his breath) "Oh shit..."
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| Me and the amazing actress that saved our asses. |
Because of this huge jump in the scene, we missed a lot of important information, and a few actors were suppose to have left the stage. I remained calm, forcing back a panicked laugh or giggle before heading upstage to dismiss an actor from the stage calmly and quietly. That was a success. Then, I left the stage and sat back from the wings to watch my friends try to handle the situation that was rearing its ugly head. I wasn't just going to be an asshole, I was attempting to help from offstage so that I could reenter and attempt to help fix the problem. I was flipping through a script as rapidly as I could, trying to find a way to make things better. However, thanks to my brilliant friend, Miss Crowley, she was able to completely dissolve the matter within a few minutes and got things back to normal. She completely saved us from a disaster! She is an amazing actress and has a phenomenal voice. She will definitely be a rousing success in New York. Just you wait! You'll see her name in lights on Broadway. You might also see mine as well... I'm praying to God it's not in a porno...
There were a lot of other things that went wrong with that production. To start with, there was a minor issue with the can of smoke we were using. We used this to portray the smoke billowing from the basement trapdoor from the fireworks. We had two very cheap cans of smoke. One ran out during rehearsals and the other had a crack in it. So, every time you pressed down on the can, you had a pick of smoke hit your hand. Smoke from dry ice. Jose was the one who sprayed the smoke and, one night, he held the smoke too long and it burned his hand. He had to completely go through the rest of the production with a wrapped up hand. I also accidentally smashed his head with the trapdoor during a rehearsal...
Later in the production, during the final scene of Act I. The fireworks in the basement were suppose to be exploding and the trapdoor was bouncing out of control. Because of my shear stupidity, I decided to reach down to grab the trapdoor before it closed again and it came down, crushing two of my fingers. I screamed in pain onstage, but continued to act to the best of my abilities. When the scene came to a close, I examined my fingers. Both of them were bleeding profusely and the fingernail on one of them was hanging by a thread. It was disgusting, but I couldn't do anything about it and had to go right back onstage. I kept myself turned upstage so that no one in the audience would see the blood. My hand was covered in it, but I was capable of keeping it hidden from view. I was also trying not to cry the rest of the show because the pain was unbearable... But the show must go on, even if you aren't able to move your fingers very well...
Until next time,
David
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